When I go to a bookstore, check out the books with interesting titles then check the reviews online when I go home.   When reviews are good, I buy them.  Chasing Harry Winston is one of those books that caught my attention so I checked the story and search for reviews online.   The next time I went to the bookstore, it was even on the bestseller list and is on sale so I decided to buy.

Well, what can I say?  At first, I did not really know who Harry Winston is.  Ignorant as you may say but I don’t really suppose a lot of people know him.  I even thought he was a character in the story but no, he is not.  He is actually a maker of fine jewelry, and is popular for his diamond rings or more popularly the engagement ring.  So, the title actually means chasing the engagemet ring.

Now, after the short background, let’s get into the story.  As you will read at the back, it is about three women friends who are about my age- almost 30 years old and how they dealt with it.

I guess, in the story, I can relate more with the character of Emmy.  Of course, excluding her escapades.   Adi is definitely someone women will look up to.  This pretty Brazilian surely knows how to handle a man or men for that matter.  Leigh is one different character but someone we can also relate to at some point.  The girls made a pact one evening to do something - Emmy will start dating more and Adi will be a monogamist.

Emmy was dumped by her boyfriend of five years for a younger, sexy personal fitness trainer.  With age running after her, she seem to have lost her confidence and is a bit desperate in finding someone to marry.  She has always been the type who wants to settle down, have kids and have a happy family.  A wife material.  A serial monogamist, as her friends call her.  While her stupid boyfriend was not able to see that.  My favorite part is when her ex-boyfriend tried to win her back but she did not accept him.

Adi met a director who is popular and handsome.  Well, Adi meet a lot of guys in the story and somehow, she was able to snatch them all.  I actually picture her character as a Catherine Zeta-Jones look-alike.  You will learn a lot from her on how men should be treated and how you can get their attention.  I guess, I just didn’t have the guts or the chance to use that.

Leigh is actually supposed to be in a perfect relationship with the perfect boyfriend.  I must say, Russel is really the man of most women’s dreams.   Her story only proves the fact that no matter how perfect we try to be, it will not be enough.  It is love that makes a person happy and no matter how hard you try to please your partner, if there is no spark then it will go nowhere.  It does not mean that because you are great, the one you love will love you back.  No matter what your flaws are, love will find you when it wants to.  Oooooppppsss…. I am getting a bit mushy here.

There is almost nothing mushy about the story, except for the ending.  It all ends well for the three of course.  In general, it was a good and light read.  I enjoyed reading it.

Summer is here!  What can be more exciting than going to the beach and having some fun under the sun?  I have always loved the summer season, especially during my school days.  Now, no matter how busy my schedule is, I really try to make it a point to go out of town or at least go to a nearby resort during this season.  I must say, I cannot say summer has been summer when I am not able to do this.  Anyway, a summer vacation need not be expensive.  If I don’t have a budget, I just go to a local resort which costs between Php50-150 per head for the entrance.  If you want to have a more extravagant vacation, you can perhaps do the following:

No coin policy.  I tried doing this before and it worked.  I normally don’t spend my accumulated coins and just put it in a coinbank.  You will be surprised at how much you will save after a certain time.  You can add this savings to your spending money.  Of course, if you start earlier then you might have been able to save enough for your entire vacation.

Watch out for promo rates.  Normally, airlines will have a promo on the fare tickets.  Rates can be as cheap as less than Php100o.   Summer is also a peak season for most hotels but there will surely be some promo rates still so do your research.

In whatever you do, it always pays to do some research upfront.  It will also be helpful to determine how much you can afford first as this is a very important factor in determining where you can go and how long you can stay on your vacation.  It will not be ideal to go splurge on a vacation and come back broke.  You can use your credit card and part of your savings but make sure that you will not go overboard.

You can follow these steps in planning for your vacation:

1.  Determine how much you can afford then from there decide on where you can go and how long you can stay in your destination.

2. List down all possible expenses - fare, accommodation, taxes, food, entertainment and miscellaneous.

3. Research about your destination - getting around, accommodation, restaurants, etc.  Look for alternative.

4.  Make necessary adjustments.  After determining all possible expenses, you can now determine if you have enough budget and where you can adjust.

No matter where you go, whether somewhere cheap or expensive, the most important thing is that you have fun.  Do things you have never done before to make your vacation more memorable.  Even when things go wrong or did not turn out what you expect them to be, just look at the brighter side and think that you are on vacation and you are supposed to have fun.

I met someone recently and I cannot help getting close to him.  His presence gives you a certain feeling of freedom.  It really feels so great to be with him.  Not in a romantic way yet, but you just cannot help wanting to be with him.  He has a very light aura, aside from the fact that he is also so damn cute.  Perfect height, perfect complexion, nice eyes, funny and cool.  He said he is just living his life the way he wants to live it.   Having fun.  Enjoying his life. Fulfilling his passions.  He is a very passionate dancer and a very independent guy.  He seem to have a lot of things going on in his life.  A person living life to the fullest which I cannot help but envy or should I say, admire.

Being acquainted with him, I began asking myself about my own passion.  Well, I have always loved dancing but I stopped when I was in college, except for my PE 2 class which is about ballroom and folk dancing.  I enjoyed the boogie, considering that it’s more fun than doing the waltz or cha-cha.  With all the videos in youtube now about hiphop dancing, I would have been dancing right now if only I have more space at home where I can do the tricks.  Yet, I don’t have that luxury.  I even bought a cd a couple of months ago which is more of a dance aerobics routine but I was only able to finish a part of it due to the lack of space.

As I write this, I am actually asking myself what am I passionate about.  I know that I fell in love with Capoeira after watching a demo on television but I never really got that serious about pursuing that.  I guess, I really love dancing coz it gives you that adrenaline rush and it’s also fun.  Capoeira is a combination of dance and martial arts and music.  I heard that they have one in the Manila Polo Club and in Ateneo.  Places that actually intimidates me so I hope they offer it somewhere near my place.  I also heard that the Capoeira group is a bit tight so it might be a bit hard to blend in when you join alone.

Another passion can be music.  I have always wanted to really play the piano, the violin and the drums.  Drums is my favorite of course, since again, it gives me an adrenaline rush.  So now, I need to buy a keyboard, a violin and a drum set… quite expensive huh…

Learning French is another thing I have always wanted but never pursued.  I also use to be passionate about writing which is, I guess, the only passion that I am pursuing.  I wanted to write a novel someday and have it published.   Hmmm…. what about an autobiography? lol

I also want to travel around.  Go to places I have never been and do things I have never done.  I have always been a risk taker… well, in most things I must say.  Yet, when I get hurt trying on something, I backed out.  Like when I tried swimming and hurt myself a couple of times I stopped.

Having written all these and realizing all these, I guess I can say that I am not living the life that I want in the past few years.  Perhaps, I had been too focus on certain things and now I have a lot of catching up to do.  I want to reach the age of 30 saying that I have my life, I have fulfilled my dreams and my passions.  I better get started… actually I have already started.  Subic and Bohol are my first steps, next will be Boracay and my masters degree.  Next will be buying my violin and taking violin lessons while learning to dance again.  I have a handsfull but I know that I can do this if I put my heart into it.

So, what’s your passion?

Day 1

It was my first time to ride on a plane so I am excited and at the same time, a bit nervous.  Yet, when the plane took off, all my fears flew away.  It was like riding a roller coaster.  Really fun.  Though I must admit that there were some instances, when the plane shakes a bit that I felt some fear yet, riding a plane is definitely a great experience.  I just had to swallow a lot because of the pressure.

So, we arrived at the Tagbilaran airport and was picked up by the hotel van.  When we reached the hotel, we  just rest for a while and took off.  We went to the mall first to buy some drinks and snacks.   Then we took a taxi to Bohol Beach Club.  Taxi fares are multiplied by two so if the meter says 172.50, you have to pay 350.   This is to compensate for their trip on the way back to town.  The trip from Island City Mall to Bohol Beach Club cost us Php350.

Entrance fee at the Bohol Beach Club is Php350, 250 is consummable to you can use it for either lunch or dinner.  Although the place is nice, I would have had more fun if we just went to Dimaluan Beach Resort.  The beach in BBC is nice if you only look for a place to relax.  It is ideal if you just want to sit on the beach while reading a book or build sand castles.  There are lots of water plants that are a bit itchy when you walk over and there are no other activities except swimming.  They do not have facilities for kayaking or jetskiing.  In short, the place is perfect for picture taking and not if you seek real adventure.  There is also no night swimming so we had to be contented going to the pool where you are not allowed to wear cotton.  The lifeguard is also very arrogant and impolite when he told us about the rules.  It really regret it a bit that I went there instead of Dimaluan where the entrance is actually free.

We had dinner at BBC, the food is also not that good.  We ordered lechon kawali and it seems that the cooking oil had been used a hundred times.   They also have singers who serenaded us with three songs until we left.

After BBC, we were picked up with the taxi driver, Manong Tito.  His taxi is Varescon number 59.  We also asked him to pick us up the next morning for our Chocolate Hills trip.  The tour package is only Php1500 compared to the Php2500 that was offered by other companies.  Although the other company would have been ideal for a bigger group since Manong Tito’s taxi is just a sedan.

Day 2

Manong Tito was already at the hotel at 8am as agreed but we were only able to leave at 8:30am.  He was very patient and I did not even see any hint of him being irritated or anything, except for when we encountered some pasaway drivers.  His favorite expression is ayayay! whenever he won’t see a bump on the road.

First stop, Chocolate Hills.  Manong Tito decided to start with the farthest destination.  The ride was about an hour and a half.  Entrance is Php50 but we were able to enter for free just to answer a 50-question survey from a Tokyo University.  We also received free tarsier keychains for that.  To get to the view deck, you can either take the 100+ steps or walk your way up.  I choose to walk up as I hate stairs.  The view of the forest, farm plus the hills is really fascinating.  It is really a feast for the eyes that is why there are lots of photographers, both hobbyists and professional taking pictures.  There were also photographers who offered to take our pictures riding a walis like a witch or jumping with the big picture of the chocolate hills as the background.  Patience is required since a lot of people would want to have their pictures taken at the best spots.  Some people lose their cool though.

On our way back, we dropped by the forest to take some pictures.  We felt like Korean novela stars walking in the lovely ocean of trees with leaves falling on our heads.  It is really another great view.

After Chocolate Hills, we went to Loboc River and had lunch in one of the floating restaurants.  Entrance is Php300 per person and it is consumable.  They serve barbeque, fried chicken, fish, kare kare, etc.  We had Manong Tito join us for lunch and we could see that he is a bit shy and seem unused to this kind of treatment.  This is perhaps the most fun part of our trip.  We had a great crowd at the restaurant and they danced and we laughed and sang altogether with the singer on board.   Food is not that great but the experience is surely worth more than Php300.  We also bought some souvenir stuffs as pasalubong to our family and friends.  The pouch cost Php182.75, small wallet cost about 75 to 100.

After lunch, we went to see the tarsiers.  They are really cute creatures.  They are nocturnal and rather sensitive though, so we tried our best not to disturb them.  We were not allowed to use flash in taking pictures but entrance is free.  They have a donationbox though where we can put some money to help them in maintaining the place.  Aside from that, they also have some other creatures, I forgot their name though.

Next stop is the Baclayon Church and Museum.  Entrance fee at the museum is Php25, of course, church entrance is free.  It reminds you of the times when the Spanish friars are still the ones holding masses here in the Philippines.  It is really old but somewhat preserved.  It was built by the Jesuit priests in 1596 and is the oldest stone church in the country.  At the museum, you will see old religious artifacts on display that will surely remind you of the Spanish regime.

After Baclayon Church, we went to see the Proney- the biggest phyton in captivity.  Well, I am not really that interested in visiting the place so I asked Manong Tito what else to see there.  He said, may bading dun then smiled.  I thought he was only kidding but it was true.  I was even more amused with Marimar than with Proney.  S/he is really a great performing, imagine doing acrobatics and all that?  S/he was really funny and I would definitely recommend going there not to see the python but see Marimar perform.

Then, the last stop- the Blood Compact Site where Captain General Miguel Lopez de Legazpi entered into a blood compact with Rajah Sikatuna.   The view is really great.  There is even a well down bellow that looks like the one from the movie, The Ring.

After about 8 hours of driving around Bohol and taking pictures, we went back to the hotel.  It is technically our last day in Bohol since we are leaving for Cebu the next day.  We will surely miss Manong Tito, if anyone will ever go to Bohol and if I will return to Bohol for another vacation, I would have Manong Tito as my driver again.

Bohol is a bit boring if you are looking for real adventure and party.  It is more of a place where you can enjoy scenic views and sit on the beach.  If I will go back, I will surely stay on a beachfront hotel to maximize my beach experience.   Although our stay at the Soledad Suites was definitely good - place is nice and clean and cheap and the hotel people are very nice that they helped us in everything, including buying tickets for our trip to Cebu.

My 2009 Subic Adventures, so far, is one of the best adventures I have ever had.  Thanks to Caloy who organized everything.

Well, let’s start from the beginning.  At around6:45am, I received a call from Ana, telling me that we are leaving for Subic at 7am.  Hahaha… that was like 15 minutes away and I just woke up.  It will take me about an hour to prepare and that is already quite fast.  I’m a girl so I must have a lot rituals.  Anyway, I went directly to the bathroom after that call, took a bath really fast, then grab a cup of coffee and a piece of bread.  I don’t want them hearing my stomach complain so early in the morning.  And it can be a turn off to if he hears the monster growling from my tummy.  I dressed up quickly, grabbing whatever ironed clothes I have.  Yet, I still managed to put on some light make up.  Well, I have to look good, you know =)  I thought about bringing an extra shirt and put on some sun block which I was not able to do.  Good thing my powder has SPF25 and my regular lotion also has some sun protection.

In short, I was able to leave the house at around 7:30, expecting to get to our meeting place at around 8am which is an hour later than the call time.  So I went off to Starbucks, Trinohmoa where I found no one waiting for me.  Since it was my first time in Trinoma, I thought I was lost so I called Ana asking where she was. And I thought I was already late but I happen to be quite early.  Caloy is still to pick up Eric in Makati and Ana had to run some errands on her way there.  So I decided to get the company of one Java Chip while waiting and reading some travel magazines.  It was also the first time I had coffee at Starbucks in the morning on a Saturday.

Ana was the first to arrive at around 8:30, Caloy and Eric came at around 9am and off we go to Subic.  First stop, Tree Top.  We chose to go for the Canopy ride that cost us Php350.  It was like climbing a cable car and transferring from one tree to another.  You will also see some of the great spots of Subic — not much of this since you are surrounded by trees.  If you have fear of heights, I will not recommend this.  The highest point of this adventure is about 100 feet from ground level and there are 10 statioins.  It can be a bit boring and exciting at the same time.  It is also one great bonding moment with your loved ones, it’s like being stranded in space with only the two of you.

Since we arrived there at around lunch time, we were soooo hungry after the ride so we decided to look for food first.  Yet, we cannot find any place to dine nearby.  They said there is some kind of restaurant in Jest Camp but we just cannot find it so we decided to move towards the second destination: Extreme Adventure.

The zip line cost 300 pesos per person and there are three stations.  This is actually more scary than the Canopy and a lot more exciting.  We put on the harness and then they tie us in the zip line (not sure what that is called).  So we were hanging on air with just the carabiners and ropes connectitg us to the line.  Then you slide down to the other station.  It felt like flying.  I screamed at the second station - which is the highest and longest point.  Eric said he did not hear me sing and that I kept my poise even at that point.  I don’t really know if being poised in a zip line is a good or bad thing.  Anyway, I don’t really sweat much but this time I did and I even asked the manongs who were assisting us to let me rest for a while but they said no since there are other people waiting for their turn.  Finally, the third and final station.  I though I was going to hit a tree on my way down but good thing I did not.  We trek on our way back to the camp.  It was really fun and a totally new adventure for me.

Then, it’s time to shop and dine.  I tried not  to spend much, I stopped myself from buying that nice Nike bag I saw that’s on sale.  I just bought some of my favorite stuff like Picnic, Ritz and Combos (all cheese flavor).  I also bought a towel for only Php300, in preparation for my Bohol trip.

After shopping a bit and eating lunch, we went back to Manila.  We were supposed to drop by Razon’s for halo-halo but decided to just have a massage instead.  We tried to make a reservation at BioEssence but were not able to make it on time so we just decided to go to Trinoma again to play at Timezone and have dinner.

As usual, I played my favorite Time Crisis 4 and we had dinner at Zong.  Then, we decided to watch You Changed My Life.  The night ended at around 12 midnight (hypothetically and literally).  It was one of the most exciting day of my life.

As I have mentioned in my recent posts, now that I am 29, I have decided to do some things I have not done before I turn 30.  One of those things is to travel and ride a plane.  Who would have thought that I haven’t ridden a plane yet?  Well, perhaps a lot.  Being known as a workaholic, then I do not really doubt that people will think that I am not fun to be with.  Which is true at times, of course.  Anyway, as I was saying I have decided to travel this year (via plane) and my first destination… BOHOL.

I also thought of Boracay but then I want to see more than just beach.  I cannot afford to go to El Nido yet so I decided to go for the next best thing.  I used to think it is so expensive but actually, I can travel cheap.  It only requires perfect timing.  With all the promos the airline companies have, then you can basically go anywhere you want at low cost.  So, I booked a flight through Cebu Pacific.  Apparently, we were not able to make it to the promo flights so the total fare cost us Php5000+.  I just checked the PAL rates and it’s only Php4900, what a shame.  Anyway, I am still quite excited about the trip.  I will be going with my sister and 2 cousins.  This is the first time we will have a vacation together.  With my sister, it is the first time in years that we are going out of town just the two of us.

Anyway, accommodation will be partly free.   One cousin went to Boracay and they got a free accommodation for Bohol, since they do not have any plans of going there, he just gave it to us.  It’s good for 4 people, for 3 days and 2 nights.

My flight is on March 27, at 12:10pm.  So, I will just be posting the details of my adventure when I return on March 3.

I have seen the billboard about this a couple of years ago.  During that time, I felt that I do not have enough money to go there.  I don’t know but no matter how much I earn, I feel that I do not have enough to spend on traveling.  Call me kuripot or something but I usually feel nanghihinayang when I spend a couple of thousands on fares and accommodation.  Not that I don’t enjoy it but I just feel it’s sayang.  Well, after attending the landmark forum introduction and after realizing that I am not getting any younger and I am missing on a lot of things, I decided to make this year a year of doing things I haven’t done before.  So, after dreaming of going to the hot air balloon fest for a number of years now, this year I decided to go.

The trip did not cost me that much anyway.  The bus fare from Cubao to Dau is only about Php150.  From Dau, we walked a bit and took the jeepney to the jeepney station going to Clark.  We decided take a private vehicle though which cost Php180.  It is too warm for us to walk from the station to the venue.  The entrance fee for the balloon fest is Php100 per head.  If you get hungry, there is Jollibbee and McDonalds so you don’t have to spend much on food either.  They also have Burger King if you have a few more peso to spend.

So we had a picture fest inside.  We took pictures of ourselves beside the planes, the tanks, the jeeps, with guns, etc.  There are two planes that we can ride and take pictures but the line is too long so we decided to skip that.  I guess a lot of people have the same thinking - riding a fighter plane is cool.  After taking some pictures, we had lunch then watch the remote controlled plane exhibition.  The Japanese guy is really great - not that great for me to remember his name though or it just did not register.  Perhaps, he’s not that cute.  Anyway, after that was the skydiving exhibition with about 7 skydivers.  It’s cool to find out that among the seven, about 2 are women.  Men still outnumbered us there but at least, it’s not purely men.   Then another plane exhibition - this time real plane.  It was so good that I don’t really know if it’s real plane or just RCs again.

Then, we walked around again and went back for the drifting exhibition by Lance Feliciano.  Honestly, it’s the first timeI heard his name but they say he was part of the movie Tokyo Drift.  He was good anyway.  I even wanted to volunteer as passenger in one of his exhibitions. After that, the female members of the air force had their silent drill exhibition and a dance number.  I find it scary whenever they fire their gun towards the direction of one of the parasailers who was also having their exhibition at the same time.

Since the event was held on a Valentine’s day, someone took advantage and proposed.  He made this little helicopter (I’m not quite sure what it is, but sure looks like a mini chopper) fly with a streamer saying something like: I don’t mind not being the first one, but I want to be the last.  Kinda mushy but if that was intended for me, I would have cried and said yes.  Though, I must say that is not my idea of a romantic marriage proposal.

Then, finally at around 6pm, they started to “inflate” the hot air balloons.  There’s one really big one shaped like an elephant, another shaped like a coke bottle.  They did not fly the balloons though, that happened in the morning.  They said it is risky to fly the balloons at night because they might get tangled with electrical wires, etc.  If you want to ride, it will cost you $150.  I would have been willing to spend Php1500 for riding one but 6k is just too much.  6000 just for the bragging rights that you have been able to ride a hot air balloon? Never mind.

They also sell a number of souvenirs, costing from Php10 to Php160.  I am sure they have more expensive stuff but I just didn’t bother asking.  My favorite souvenir is the miniature hot air balloon sold at Php160.

The hot air balloon fest experience is quite good.  It was a good starting point for all my future little adventures. My mother even hinted of going back next year or perhaps, go to Baguio for the flower festival. All in all, I spent about Php2,000 which is not really a lot.  I can say, it’s worth every penny I spent.

My friend invited me to attend the introduction to the Landmark Forum.  I have not seen her in a while so I decided to go.  I don’t really know what the landmark forum is but then, what do I have to lose?  So, I went and there I found out what it is - self-improvement seminar unlike the others we already know.  It does not add anything to our knowledge, instead it helps us realize what stops us from going after our dreams.  There, I was confronted with the question: What matters to you?  I guess, that goes with a follow up question - What are you doing to achieve it?

It helped me analyze the way I live my life.  What are the things that I want and why am I not getting those?  I know what I must achieve, what I must do but what stops me from doing it?  For instance, my ultimate goal is to achieve a more intimate relationship with God. I know I have to pray more.  I know that I have to put God first. But why am I not praying more?  Why do It put myself first?  Why don’t I wake up earlier so I can recite my morning prayer?  What stops me from going to confession?  I can say that I am busy but if I am really committed to that, what is 30 minutes?  What is an hour when I can spend more than 12 hours a day in the office?  Why do I stay in the office longer than I have to sometimes?

I have come to some realizations after that introduction session.  I have realized that somehow staying in the office is my security blanket.  I have realized how my childhood affected my perception.  I use to feel that my parents prefer to have my sister over me when I was a kid.  My sister and I live with our great aunts and whenever my parents bring my sister with them to our house, I feel that they love her more.  It somehow affected my perception.  In my relationships, I stive really hard so my partner will not leave me.  I strive hard to be everything for them because of my fear that they will always find someone better and leave me for her.  I talked to my parents about it and they explained to me that I am my lola’s favorite so if they take me, my lola will definitely be mad at them.  So, there goes my unfounded fear.

I also tend to procastinate a lot.  I know that procastination is a sin, it falls under sloth.  Yet, why do I procastinate?  What stops me?  Is it really just that or is there an underlying reason?

I am not yet convinced that I have to attend the landmark forum, thinking that I can “heal” on my own.  I am not sure if I am willing to spend Php25,000 for that.  But it did make a difference in the lives of those I met.  It also opened my eyes on certain things.  I will try to work on improving myself, with the things I have right now.  I can start by knowing what I want and working my way to get there.

I am turning 29 soon.  A part of me tells me, I should worry about my biological clock, be afraid of menopause without having experienced how it is to give birth, to become a mom.  At this age, I do not have boyfriend, but who cares.  I never really cared, who needs a man anyway?  It is actually hard to find real men nowadays.  Men are only men when you fall in love with them, but other than that, who needs to have a man in her life?  Need only follows after love.  You need someone because you love them and not the other way around.  Honestly, a part of me is actually scared.  Don’t get me wrong though, I am not scared of being alone for the rest of my life - that is something that I can always find a remedy for.  I am afraid of not being able to experience something that I think is wonderful, not being able to experience having my own family.  It would definitely make me sad somehow.  Though I know that I can establish a family without having to get married but it is a different kind of family.

I am not sure if I am making sense here but I am just saying whatever comes to mind.  I am just saying my thoughts, letting my thoughts guide my hand with no particular direction.  All I know is that I am thinking about the years to come, my upcoming birthday.

What happened in the past 29 years?  A lot of great things.  I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for.  I have a good job.  God has given me so much blessings that I know I do not deserve somehow.  I have a very supportive family: a father who adores me, a mother who has always been there for me, a sister who is also my bestfriend, and my brother who is my angel.  What more can I ask for?  I am now fixing my finances - I made some mess on this aspect of my life.  Having lived without learning how to budget or tracking my expenses, I ended up with some debts.  It’s not that substantial but it is something I want to get rid of so I can build my retirement fund.  I already have my insurance but I know it is not enough.  I also want to build up a fund for my own car and house.  I am going to get there.  This year will be the beginning of a lot of great things.  Things greater than before.  I already know what to do, all I need is some time to have everything in place and of course, I will need God’s blessing to have it fulfilled.

My lovelife?  That is also a bit of a mess.  Being a control freak, there are lots of things I do prematurely.  I cannot wait for God’s will to unfold, thus, messing things up a bit.  But in the last relationship that I had (if you will consider that a relationship, I love on guy who doesn’t love me), I have learned the value of patience.  The value of letting God take things in His own pace.  From now on, it will be His time, His way, His plan and no longer my time, my way and my plan.  I am giving God the key, I won’t even help him start the engine nor give Him directions.  I am actually asking Him not to let me meddle.  I know, He can do it without my help.  Helping Him might just make things a bit murky or messy.  I will just let Him do His thing, and let Him guide my course.  I have given Him back the freedom He gave me.  I will just sit back, relax and let Him drive.  Before I know it, I could have reached my destination already.  It will not be an easy ride, I know.  But I will buckle up.  His loving arms will be my protection. His faithfulness, my consolation.  His love, my joy.  His promises, my security.  I believe that things will be better, far better than I can imagine, far better than what I can do myself. This is why I look forward to tomorrow for I know He will make it better than today.  I look forward to the coming years, for I know His plans will be fulfilled and His plans are always great.

I may be single now or for the rest of my life, it does not matter.  Single or married, whatever happens, it is for the best.  If it is where God wants me to be, then there I will be for only there can I find true happiness and true meaning.

Today, I have made a decision to move forward.  I will just live my life the way I want to and stop thinking of you.  I have a lot on my plate right now.  New things, new experiences, new tasks.  I don’t know what life will bring but I sure am going to live my life to the fullest.  Who knows, maybe love will come my way someday soon.  God knows when that will be.  I am giving Him the pen now, letting Him write my life story.  For now, I will just live.  I will be happy, I know.  You may have hurt me and there are a lot of questions that still needs to be answered.  I know that I cannot find the answers now, perhaps in time, those will be revealed to me.  Or maybe, I won’t need to know the answers anyway.  There was a point when I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me, but what good will that do to me?  Now, you did me wrong and I know that there will be justice.  However, if I take justice in my own hands, I will then become the culprit.  So, I am leaving it that way.  You hurt me and God will take care of what you have done.  Perhaps, it already is taking it’s toll on you.  I have always believed that when things are going the right direction, then it means that I am where God wants me to be and I am doing His will.  But when things go wrong, it can mean two things: that I need to be reminded of His presence and that I need Him in my life; second will be that things are just not right for me or I might have done something wrong.  I remembered you saying that things are not working the way you wanted them to, perhaps, it is time to look at yourself and see if you are doing something wrong.

I do not want to hold any grudge on you, but I hope you realize what you did and never do it again to anyone else.  People have feelings and they do not deserve to be hurt or betrayed.   I have always believed in the goodness of people, that everyone does not have any hidden motives or bad intentions.  I think this is why I end up getting hurt, because I trust too much too soon.  What can I do?  I have no ill intentions nor do I capitalize on others weaknesses for my own gain.  I am like that so I think others are like that as well.  I asked you to explain but I guess you are not willing to do so, that is why I am now struggling against these negative thoughts.  I am lifting it all up to God now.  All the pains you have caused me, same with the happiness.  I will not hold on to them any longer.  I am letting God take care of everything, He knows better anyway.