I just read an article from Bo Sanchez’s blog about being blessed and making our dreams come true.  I realized the mistakes I have been making.  I have always believed in self-fulfilling prophecies and he actually confirmed it.  You become what you believe.  So now, I am going to start dreaming again and I hope everyone who reads my blog will do the same.

First step, according to Bo, is to visualize your dream.  Know what your dreams are and start visualizing it, feeling it, and really seeing it.  Well, let me start with my own dreams, from the short term to the long term.

1. Learn to play the violin

2. Learn how to dance

3. Learn how to play the drums

4. Learn how to play the piano’

5. Start taking up my MBA

6. Go to a place I have never been- outside the country

7. Pay off my credit card debts

8. Save at least 100k until my next birthday

Those are the dreams I have that I want to happen in the next 12 months.  I have already made my plans. Of course, what stopped me before is that my finances is not in a very good shape but with the increase I am going to receive this month and the expenses plan I have in mind, I will be able to save at least half of my salary starting July of this year.  This will give me enough finances to finance the activities I have in mind and still save some money.

1. Have a car - a second hand Honda Civic will be fine.

2. Have a house and lot - I plan to start with the lot by next year, probably somewhere in Laguna like what my boss keeps saying

3. Invest in the rice business of my cousin and re-start the duck farm -I want to start with this early next year.

4. My longer term plan is to have a farm in the province where I have a house, a fish pond, lots of trees, cows and pigs.

Number 4 can happen in the next 5 years.  I want to retire from regular work at the age of 40 and just work from home and spend time with my family - kids and husband (another short term dream =)

Once you already visualize your dream, you start working on those.  And last will be to Surrender your dreams to God.  Of course, there are dreams that will come true and there are dreams that won’t.  Yet, it does not really matter for things happen and don’t happen for our own good.  I believe that good things will come my way.  The best things I can imagine for I believe in God’s goodness.  His infinite goodness.  Problems will come, but cliche as you may say, there’s a pot of gold at the end of each rainbow.  I believe and I know that my dreams, the dreams that I have listed here will come true.  I will keep you posted.

I had a dark week a couple of weeks ago.   A couple of days when I lost confidence in myself, my boss and perhaps, even in my God.  I am better now.  Thanks to my friends who never let me down.  I now have a different perspective. I guess I never realize my worth, recognize my accomplishments or see how hard I am working.  For me, everything is called for.  I am only doing my job.  Everything is not enough.  I still have a lot of things to do, to learn, to accomplish.  That God is just the one making things happen and if He will ever leave me, I am bound to fail.  Which is true in some ways but then I fail to see certain things.  Doing my job well is already an accomplishment.  That the fact the God never lets me down means He wants me here and not anywhere else.  And that everything I do without God will always be bound to fail.

This time, I am more ready to take on the challenges.  I will never let anything threaten or pull me down.  I will continue living my life the way I want to.  I will continue doing my job the best way I can.  I believe God will always be there.  Though I know failures will be inevitable, it is not the end of everything.  Failures are there to teach us what we did wrong so we can make things right.  No one is perfect but as long as I believe in God and myself, things will only get better.

I guess, I just have to learn from my past lessons.  Here I am again.  I already know that there’s a lot of risk when I continue so I just have to stop myself from getting close to you.  You never gave me any puzzle to solve.  You never told me anything that can be misconstrued as something else.  You are just being yourself and I cannot help but be drawn to that.  You are such a nice person and the more I get to know you, the more I like you.  There seem to be a magnet that draws me to you from the day we met and you salute at me like I am your comrade.  I feel so light when I talk to you.  No pressure on being someone else because I know that you are also being yourself.  What I see is what I get.  You are weird in a nice and cute way. I just wish I can get hold of my heart this time.  I don’t want to fall for you.  I just want to stay this way.  I just want to enjoy your company because I know, I cannot really be the one you will fall in love with.

I hope I can keep the distance.  Refrain from falling in love so I can enjoy your company without the complications of falling in love.  Just that, I was already attracted to you from the very first time I saw you and that attraction just grows deeper each day as I get to know you more.  Who will not be attracted to your looks and gentle ways.  Your smile is like sunshine -I know that’s cliche but it really feels like a bright summer day when you smile.  I feel your presence when you pass by. I guess, I will just refrain from seeing you again, from talking to you again.  Put the wall around me just like what I use to do.  All defenses up that it’s starting to give me anxiety.  Anxiety for restraining myself, stopping myself from feeling that light and warm feeling I feel when I am with you, when I am talking to you or just seeing you pass by.

My heart is so overwhelmed with love and joy for my Lord that I can smile in the midst of pain and suffering.

It has been a while since I watched a show like this.  Our mass media has been so commercialized that the shows they create are those that are popular and low budget.  Shows like fantaseryes, sexy stuff, action and suspense showing us a culture of violence or those that help us escape from reality.  May Bukas Pa is really a breakthrough.  It is the only show I know that teaches people the right values and a lot of valuable lessons about life.

The main character is named Santino, an orphan boy about 6 years old.  He was brought up by priests in the monastery after he was found in the cemetery.  Being brought up by religious priests, he grew up as a very fine young boy who was able to heal the sick and talk to Jesus face to face.  He calls Jesus Bro and shows absolute faith in our Creator.

The writers were able to show us different areas in different lives, the problems and mistakes mortals do and how they should deal with those.

One of my favorite episodes was when Santino handed the Mayor (the antagonist) a stone and said something like what Jesus said when the people are punishing Mary Magdalene:  He who has not sinned, cast the first stone.  Guilt  overwhelmed the greedy mayor so he turned and ran away.

I have watched the 3 day 3 hour marathon during the Holy Week.  I must say if you are a parent, May Bukas Pa is a TV program you would want your kids to watch.  It is shown every Mondays to Fridays at 8pm in ABS CBN.

I use to feel secure about my job, my career.  In fact, you may say I thought this is my life.  I use to spend at least 12 hours in the office, work on weekends even when I am at home, think about work even when I am on vacation.  I would forgo of my break hours just to finish something.  I cancel meetings with my friends because something came up with work and I need to be there.  In short, my work is my life.

It was like that even in my previous company.  I make sacrifices so I can finish my work early, meet deadlines, etc, only to get burned out and demoralized later when I felt that my efforts were not being recognized.

I use to feel important at work.  My boss even tells me that I will inherit his position should he decide to retire already which is supposed to happen in about a year from now.  I have grown with the company.  I needed to catch up and I was able to deliver without any training.  My boss use to see that.  He use to tell me that I am good at what I do.  Now, he is telling me I am too young.  He seem to overlook the things I have accomplished.  He does not seem to realize how I have grown.

I use to feel that I can tell him anything but now I feel that those days are over.  He teases me whenever he sees any manifestation of my authority, the authority he gave me.  He does not seem to remember that he was the one who told me what I can do and cannot do, what I can say and cannot say and what I can decide on.  I am beginning to question my own worth.  I am beginning to feel unimportant.  Makes me ask myself if I have become too proud.  It was so easy for others to negotiate about their salary but it feels so difficult for me.  He makes me feel that I am asking too much though I know that I deserve that.  I know what I have accomplished, I know the weight of my responsibilities and it is as heavy as those whose salary is much higher than mine.  I hate to compare and I hate asking for something.  I have always believed that if I deserve it, it will be voluntarily given to me.  Honestly, I feel scared.  I feel so uncertain coz he might have said something now then change it tomorrow.

I don’t know if I am still supposed to be here.  Perhaps, I am not.  I hate working just for the sake of money.  I don’t work for money.  I don’t work for the sake of working.  Yet, with all these things I am feeling I feel like I don’t belong here anymore but I cannot leave because I am not financially ready and I hate the feeling that this seem to be the only thing that stops me from leaving.

My bestfriend email me a couple of weeks ago, after over a year of staying in Dubai she will come home this July.  We have already planned of having a little outing when she returns so we started thinking about our destination.  Initially, she wanted to go to Cambodia, the home of the famous Angkor Wat and the historical Khmer Rouge.  Since my boss went there a couple of years ago and he did not seem to enjoy his stay, I am a bit hesitant about going there.  It will surely be educational considering what the country had gone through but at the moment, I would rather go somewhere where I can have more fun than have additional knowledge.

Anyway, so when we were in the airport after our Bohol trip I heard the speaker call on those boarding for the Kota Kinabalu flight.  I initially thought the place is somewhere in Africa so I got curious.  I searched the net and found that Kota Kinabalu is actually somewhere near Sabah Malaysia and not in Africa.  It has an amazing beach and some other tourist spots.  I was fascinated by the pictures I saw so I checked for the airfare rate in Cebu Pacific and it is only about Php8,000 roundtrip which is relatively cheap. So I decided to tell my bestfriend about it and she also liked the idea.

We are still doing some research.  Right now, accommodation and airfare will cost us about Php11,000++.  Airline will be AirAsia which is cheaper and hotel is Borneo Beach Paradise Hotel.  Imagine, Php11,000 for an out of the country cheap, I must say, it is definitely reasonable.

Well, I just had nothing to do so I decided to browse on of my fave sites to search for something to watch.  I came across this movie and the title definitely caught my attention.  Who would not have taken a second look when they see a title like this?  It must be tragic.  Yet, it is not tragic at all.  In fact, it was very inspiring.

The story is about Aya, diagnosed with a neurological disease spinocerebellar  degeneration.  An incurabledisease that slowly destroys your system until you die.  She was in middle school when she found out yet, she still bravely continued her education until high school.  You will be inspired about the way she dealt with her condition.  She had been an inspiration to everyone around her.  She made a sick man want to live again, inspired everyone in her therapy sessions with her patience and perseverance.

If you will be with her, you would have asked why she got that condition considering how good a person she is.  Yet, if you will see it in a different light, God used her to make us realize how it is to live and how we should face life.   God used her to show us His goodness, for us to appreciate what we have no matter how small or big it is.  To face each failures and trials with a smile for even if we have these burdens on our shoulders, we are still so blessed and there are others who suffer more than we do.

One Liter of Tears did make me cry but not out of pity but out of shame and joy.  I feel ashamed for complaining about a simple headache, a simple wound on the knee, or a small problem I had to solve.  I feel joy for I realized how God loves me and how blessed I am.

I have had a lot of time to think during the long weekend.  It was a rather enlightening, depressing, and joyful time.  One thing I have realized is that only when I stop believing in something, that’s the only time it will stop existing.

We had our childhood dreams and somewhere along the way, we stopped believing those dreams will come true.  We had our previous relationships and until such time when we stop believing that the other person will come to us, on bended knees and asked us to come back in his arms we are not free.  As long as we believe that he still loves you, as long as you believe that the past will continue itself, you are still tied to that invisible rope connecting your past to your future.  You are not free.

Anyway, I let’s look at the brighter side of this. Don’t you think that when you continue believing in something, it will somehow come true?  That if we continue believing in the good in everyone, we will wake up one day to a different world where everyone is good?  That if we believe that our dreams will come true, they eventually will?  That if we keep on believing in true love, someday it will find us and stay?

I know there are things that we have to let go.  Things that we have to stop believing so we can move forward and step up to the next level, just like what I have said about the relationships we had.  Yet, I don’t thing there will be any harm believing in good things, in believing in our dreams and believing that someday we will be able to realize those dreams.

When I go to a bookstore, check out the books with interesting titles then check the reviews online when I go home.   When reviews are good, I buy them.  Chasing Harry Winston is one of those books that caught my attention so I checked the story and search for reviews online.   The next time I went to the bookstore, it was even on the bestseller list and is on sale so I decided to buy.

Well, what can I say?  At first, I did not really know who Harry Winston is.  Ignorant as you may say but I don’t really suppose a lot of people know him.  I even thought he was a character in the story but no, he is not.  He is actually a maker of fine jewelry, and is popular for his diamond rings or more popularly the engagement ring.  So, the title actually means chasing the engagemet ring.

Now, after the short background, let’s get into the story.  As you will read at the back, it is about three women friends who are about my age- almost 30 years old and how they dealt with it.

I guess, in the story, I can relate more with the character of Emmy.  Of course, excluding her escapades.   Adi is definitely someone women will look up to.  This pretty Brazilian surely knows how to handle a man or men for that matter.  Leigh is one different character but someone we can also relate to at some point.  The girls made a pact one evening to do something - Emmy will start dating more and Adi will be a monogamist.

Emmy was dumped by her boyfriend of five years for a younger, sexy personal fitness trainer.  With age running after her, she seem to have lost her confidence and is a bit desperate in finding someone to marry.  She has always been the type who wants to settle down, have kids and have a happy family.  A wife material.  A serial monogamist, as her friends call her.  While her stupid boyfriend was not able to see that.  My favorite part is when her ex-boyfriend tried to win her back but she did not accept him.

Adi met a director who is popular and handsome.  Well, Adi meet a lot of guys in the story and somehow, she was able to snatch them all.  I actually picture her character as a Catherine Zeta-Jones look-alike.  You will learn a lot from her on how men should be treated and how you can get their attention.  I guess, I just didn’t have the guts or the chance to use that.

Leigh is actually supposed to be in a perfect relationship with the perfect boyfriend.  I must say, Russel is really the man of most women’s dreams.   Her story only proves the fact that no matter how perfect we try to be, it will not be enough.  It is love that makes a person happy and no matter how hard you try to please your partner, if there is no spark then it will go nowhere.  It does not mean that because you are great, the one you love will love you back.  No matter what your flaws are, love will find you when it wants to.  Oooooppppsss…. I am getting a bit mushy here.

There is almost nothing mushy about the story, except for the ending.  It all ends well for the three of course.  In general, it was a good and light read.  I enjoyed reading it.