It was November 2007 when we first met.  It was a rather strange meeting.  You were the interviewee and I was your interviewer.  You applied as a graphic designer in our company and I am the HR manager who do the screening of applicants.  The interview went well, in fact, it was a rather long interview coz we both asked each other questions related and unrelated to the objective of the interview.  It felt like we have something special.  Months passed and December came, it was your interview with our general manager.  You did not show up.  That night, I got an email from my ex, asking me to love him again.  Asking me to start over.  I felt so confused and needed to take some time to rest and think so I took a leave the next day.  Then, I got a message from you.  I needed some company and you gave me just what I needed.  That is how we became close.

I was scared from the start.  I knew how  vulnerable I am at that time.  But you gave me some signals and I thought it was safe to moward.  Still, I tried to stop myself from falling in love with you until that day when I read your comment in friendster…that soon, you will be my angel ivan.  Suddenly, all my defenses went down.  I lost control and started to fall for you.  Still I see the warning signs so I asked you not to continue with your application coz I might fall in love with you.  Yet, you did not heed my pleas.  You went on and got hired.

You promised me you were going to tell me how  you feel when you get accepted.  You tell me things that made me hope and hold on to my feelings.  Then, Mark came into my life.  I have learned to like him and I was happy in his company.  During those days, I was able to distance myself from you.  Those were the days that I never cared much about you.  I don’t know if it was intentional, but when I am almost over you, you tried to reel me in.  Suddenly, you ask ed me if we can talk.  Suddenly, I had been receiving messages from you again.  You answer my calls again.  You were nice to me again.  I slowly slipped away from Mark’s company and under your spell again. Then, you started ignoring me again.  You went back to your old habit of ignoring me.

Now, I do not have Mark anymore.  Somehow, our friendship seemed to fade because I was so consumed by my thoughts of you.  All I have now is my broken heart.  You hurt me but you made me feel and you always say that it is my fault.  You tell me that I am wrong for doing this and that but you never really understood nor tried understand why I do such things.  You never understood that I get jealous because I love you.  That it hurts me see you treat other girls nicer than you treat
me.  I don’t understand why you are easily mad at the simple mistakes that I do.  I don’t understand why you cannot tell me that you don’t love me at all.  I don’t understand why you want me to wait for the answer to my question when you can immediately just tell me to just leave you alone.  I don’t understand why you treat me this way.  Don’t you see that by not telling me, you are just making things worse?  Can’t you see that our work is also affected?  Why not just tell me so we can both move forward and I can start moving on?  I guess, I will just take the initiative of telling myself that it is not worth it.  That this story is not meant to have a happy ending.  That I should stop now and start moving on.  I cannot waste my life on something that is not worth it.  I will just hurt myself more in the end if I wait for your answer that definitely not positive.  I better stop now.  I better say goodbye now and stop being a fool.

Categories : My Journey, Our Story