I remember the story the priest narrated during a homily before.  It was a story of a man who fell in a cliff.  It was totally dark and he was alone.  He was just holding on to a branch  and anytime, the branch may break and he will fall.  In this time of uncertainty and fear, he prayed to God.  Then, God answered him and told him to let go.  The man was doubtful.  He cannot see what is beneath him.  He let his fears conquer him so he held on to the branch until it broke, only to realize that he was only a feet above ground.  It would have saved him the pain and the agony if he only let go.

I know, it is very hard to let go.  That is exactly how I feel right now.  I know that I need to let go but I cannot.  In my life, I plan everything.  I have to know what to do and what will the result be.  Now, God is asking me to let Him do His will.  I hear Him but still, I cannot let go.  I am holding on to my pain.  I am holding on to my fear.  Perhaps, because I do not trust God enough.  Or perhaps, I trust myself too much.  I also let my emotions overwhelm me that I do not know which is God’s voice and which is not. 

Now,  I want to go on a retreat.  Go to a place where there is only God and no one else.  Where He can talk to me and I can talk to him without any hindrances. Without all the distractions that surrounds me.  I want to hear God.  I want my heart to be silenced and just let Him fill it with His love.  I want this to happen, yet I sometimes hinder this myself - perhaps because I am too proud.  I cannot empty myself, die in myself so God can fill me.  It is so hard for me to let go of my earthly desires and earthly thoughts so only His words will be my only desire.  I pray for God to give me the grace to let go of myself, to forget myself and just focus all my thoughts on HIM.  To allow Him to rule my life, and heal me.  Then, and only then, I know that when I learn to let go His will will start to unfold.

Categories : My Journey, Our Story