Why did you decide to stay?  I was hoping you wont.  I know I’d miss you but at least the pain of missing you will only last for a couple of days.  While the torture of seeing you each day, getting too close, definitely requires a lot of willpower.  I have learned not to analyze what is going on between us so I won’t bring my hopes up only to be hurt if my hopes are not met.  I have learned to compartmentalize my feelings and try to just enjoy your company without feeling more.  But every now and then I experience some relapse when I feel something.  I feel something now.  I am thinking now. Puzzled with how things are going and feeling a bit lost again.

How can we stay friends after what happened?  After I admitted my feelings, how can we stay friends?  I cannot comprehend why you do this to me.  I told you that I wanted to keep some distance but you sort of invite me to have lunch with you.  We kept on going like nothing happened, like I didn’t make the biggest confession of my life.  Ah, maybe you don’t really feel anything that is why you can go on like this.  But what about me?  What about my feelings?  What if I really fall for you and as you said, I am not your type so there is no chance you will feel the same.  I am not sure how I can handle that.

I prayed to God to take you out of my life if we are not meant for each other.  But now that you are staying, I cannot really know for sure that we are meant to be together.  Maybe during the two months that you are gone, something will happen that will bring us apart.  Or maybe, I will meet someone who will protect me from falling for you.  Maybe, I will find the one for me. Maybe…..

Categories : My Thoughts