I just came home from my Ethics class under the MBA program in La Salle.  On of the things that was mentioned in one of the reports is that as we climb up the corporate ladder, we tend to become more alone.  Thus,  leading to loneliness.  I guess, that is what I am feeling right now.  I am feeling kinda lonely but is it because I am alone or is it because I want to be with someone? Or is it both?

The guy I like just drove me home and until now, I still have no clue on how he feels.  Somehow, I manage to keep my guards but I know for sure that those are slowly crumbling down.  Why does he have to be so nice and friendly and smart and funny?  How I feel quite comfortable with him and he seem to also feel as comfortable with me?  Is it just his nature or is there something more?  It is hard to see what lies ahead and it is a bit difficult to just enjoy it when the fear of falling and getting hurt are lurking at the back of my mind.  There are times when I want to run away again, just like what I normally do whenever this happens.  Yet, I cannot seem to pull myself away from something that makes me happy.  I cannot seem to just walk away from something that feels so good.  I cannot seem to make myself decline his offer to bring me home because I enjoy his company.

Is this gonna be one of my lessons on letting things flow and  see where it takes me?  I am scared.  I don’t want to go through that process where I let my guards down and let myself fall and get hurt because my feelings are not reciprocated.  I’m tired of feeling that way.  Although most of the relationships that started this tway ended up in great friendships, the process that comes before that are rather painful and it takes a while before I bounce back.  Certain things suffered for a while, this time, the risk just seem too high or am I just exaggerating?

Categories : My Thoughts