For quite a while now, I had been telling myself to forget him. I had been trying to get over this feeling. I don’t want to fall in love at all. All I want to do is just keep my heart safe. Safe from all the lies that men make. Safe from hoping and then losing in the end. Safe from love. Safe from pain. I just want to wake up one day and not feel anything. I want to freeze my heart. Then again, how do I do that? What can I do to make my heart numb? I want to turn away from you coz I know it will only cause me pain. I know I am not the girl you want and you can never love me the way that I want you to love me. Ang hirap mo mahalin. Nasasaktan na ako ng husto. Gusto ko nang sumuko pero di ko alam kung paano. Wala naman akong halaga sayo, kung meron sana kahit isang text lang nagawa mo na. Di naman ganun kahirap magtext di ba? One minute is more than enough to type something like Im busy or Im driving or I cant talk right now. Ang dali din namang sabihin na hindi mo ako gusto di ba? Sana sabihin mo na lang kesa naman ganitong hindi ko alam kung ano meron sa ating dalawa. At times, I feel that you feel the same and yet whenever you are indifferent, my hopes just falter until they completely fade.  Whenever I see you with someone else, my heart breaks - coz I don’t know who they are and what I am to you.  I don’t know how you feel about me and whenever I see someone na parang mas close sayo or parang kasing close natin, my hopes fade and my heart breaks.  There goes my hope that what we have is special, that there’s more to it than meets the eye.  So please just tell me whatever is there - yes, no, maybe, i don’t know or just leave me alone - I don’t really care as long as I know for sure.  Then, if it is a no, I can move on.  I will just walk away and not look back. Pretend that all these things never happened and treat you like everyone else.

Categories : My Journey