I have not been able to write in this blog for a while.   A lot of things have happened in the past few days, including the calamity due  to typhoon Ondoy, the start of my MBA classes, my salary increase that has brought me a lot of pressure somehow, and the death of my beloved grandmother.  I must say, September had been a month where I have experienced things I have never experienced in my entire life.  I can say that my experience this month is something that some people experience in years.  My life has changed a lot.  I have gained and lost friends and loved ones.  It is almost like starting my life over.

With all these things, I sometimes fail to pause and ask God for his message.  My heart is heavy as I write this and my mind does not seem to be in a very organized mood.  My thoughts are scattered and by writing here, I am trying to pull myself back together.  But how do I do that?  I guess, I should just pause and let God start revealing His messages to me.  I feel the burden of people who suffered from the typhoon.  I have experienced starting my life over and it took years for me and my family to have things back to where it is.  Now, I see a lot of people having to do that, some do not even have the means to do so.  And when I am finally back on track, I lost that one person who I offer it to - my dear Lola Ikang.  The woman who raised me to be the person that I am now.  She was like a mother to me.  She was my mother for the first years of my life until I reached high school.  Now, I know that no matter how much money I give her, she will not really take it.  Even if I give her an entire mall where we can go shopping for the shoes and clothes she use to love, she will not want to.  She is now perfectly happy where she is, in heaven with her Creator.  And I am to choose between a year here or a minute there, I would surely choose that one minute in heaven than a year on earth.

With all the things that happened, I realized that God is really in control.  No matter how tough the circumstances are or no matter how hard it really is to find a meaning on the things that happen to us, soon we will for sure.  We just need to open our hearts and minds.  We also just have to realize how blessed we are for just being alive or for just knowing Jesus.  Even if Ondoy wrecked our homes or took our loved ones, we should not think that God has forsaken us or that He does not love us.  Let’s just wait for His message, let us wait until our hearts are open enough to receive that message of love God have for us.

Categories : My Thoughts, My Journey