I am now counting the days until that day when you will be out of my life.  Well, at least physically but I will probably want to just end it there.  I will most likely not get in touch with you anymore once you left this country.  I will just consider you as someone I met and helped me find my way.  Someone who led me to where I am now and gave me a glimpse of where I want and should go.

Well, my biggest worry is not really when you will leave but when you decide to stay.  Our friendship seem to be getting deeper and I am beginning to care for you more and more.  When you leave, I will probably be sad for a while.  I will miss you for sure.  I will miss the endless conversations we seem to have.  We never seem to run out of topics to talk about - whether it is just a stupid topic or something more profound.  But I know that when you leave, I can move on after a day or two.  Yet, if you stay, our friendship might even grow deeper that it may be harder for me to detach myself from you.  The attachment will grow stronger.  How would I feel when you start dating someone?  How would I feel when you have someone already and I am still alone?  It will feel like I have lost my bestfriend.  It will be more difficult to deal with than when you just leave now.  I can be possessive and jealous.  I will surely feel bad that my bestfriend is spending less and less time with me.

I saw you this evening and you showed me your gift for one of our officemates.  I felt jealous.  I thought I was special when you gave me a gift on my birthday but I guess, I wasn’t.  That was what’s on my mind when you showed me the gift.  You probably saw that in my face and immediately you said that you definitely gave me a bigger box of chocolates.  It is funny how you can read my thoughts.

I remember during our meeting when I smiled and you said, “I know that smile, that means you are smiling but you are not okay”.

I guess you know me more than anyone else, sometimes you seem to know me more than I know myself.  No matter what happened, I know that you will remain a special part of me.  I will never forget you in two weeks just like what you said.  I will probably never forget you at all.  How can I forget the only person with whom I was able to share all my thoughts without being judged?  How can I forget that person who showed me that part of myself that I have never seen before?  How can I forget all the conversations we had?  How can I forget the friend I have learned to love?

Categories : My Thoughts, My Journey