More than 30 years ago, a friendship was formed between my mother and his  mother.  Then, they parted ways. After so many years without communication, they see each other once again.  I can still remember that day.  It was a feast day of San Isidro Labrador, the patron saint of farmers.  They went to i our house and that is how we met.  I was 14 years old then, he was 15.  At first sight, I already got attracted to him.  Our parents, having live different lives for so long, did not really see each other a lot.  We just visit each other on birthdays and other occasions.  Then, one day, one of my friends in school showed me a song book with his name on it.  He was looking for a friend.  So, I wrote him a letter and that is how it all started.  I can still remember how ecstatic I am to receive his reply.

We were writing each other letters for about 2 years.  He will sometimes visit with his mom and then, he will teach me or play the guitar for me.  Then, I went to college in the city, far from where he is.  In college, we still write letters for  each other.  I was already falling for him at that time.  I know, he also felt the same.  Then, finally, in one of his letters, he said that he loves me.  I replied but he said he did not receive it.  He felt that I rejected him so he stopped writing each other.  I also felt that if he really loves me, why can’t he prove it.  So, I thought, that is the end of our story.

Years past, and our parents continue to live their separate lives.  They have also lost touch.  I fell in love with another guy, who also broke my heart.  I was then, in the period of recovery, a couple of mont hs after we broke up.  I never expected that our paths will cross again.  It was the birthday of one of my officemates and l we were waiting outside the office pantry.  I had small talks with some of my new colleagues who apparently, knows him.  Then, I get his number and that is how it all began.

I called him and he cried.  He said he is so happy to hear my voice again.  The love we felt when we were younger, we finally come to realize seven years after.  And now, after four years of being together, it has come to an end.

Minsan, iniisip ko, kaya ba naging magkaibigan ang mga magulang namin, kaya ba kami nagkakilala, para masaktan lang ako.  Kaya ba kami nagkita ulit, para iwanan lang nya ako.  Why did God allow us to see each other again, when He knows that this kind of thing will happen? Kung hindi naman dahil sa Kanya, hindi naman kami magkikita, hindi naman kami  magkakakilala.  Di ko alam ang dahilan bakit nagkita pa kami ulit.  Kung iisipin ko na ibinigay lang sya sa akin ng Diyos para saktan ako.  Kung iisipin ko na ibinalik lang sya ng Diyos para mawala rin lang, magagalit ako sa Kanya.  I will be angry at God.  Yet, I know, I must not think that way.  I must think that God has given him to me for a purpose.  I may not know the reason now, but in time, I will.

Seven years ago, I knew that I lost him because we were both not ready.  Now, I know that we have our flaws.  Our relationship is not perfect.  He has his faults, I have my faults.  I also know that he has not achieved that level of maturity that is necessary for our relationship to grow.  Who knows, God is just preparing us both for our life together.  I know, at times, I will still ask God why.  I know at times, I will still come to Him and cry.  Yet, I also know, that though I am hurt now, though he let me feel this pain, He loves me and He only wants what is best for me.

Categories : My Journey