I don’t understand how one person can spend his days and hours just thinking about work and neglecting the people he loves.  How can you let us slip apart?  Am I not that important for you?  Isn’t it better when we are in this together than just you, facing all these alone?  I wanted to be there for you.  I wanted to give you a hug when things don’t turn out the way you want them to  I want to cheer you up when you are down or just hold you in my arms when all the world seem to fall apart.  I want to kiss you and make you feel everything will be fine and things will be better.  I want to hold your hand as we face and solve each problem together.

I cannot bear to see you like this.  It breaks my heart to see that pained look in your eyes and all I can do is watch you from afar.   It breaks my heart not to know what I really mean to you, and even if you cannot love me the way that I do, please allow me to be a friend to you.  But please, remove my burden and let me know how you really feel about me.  I don’t understand why it’s taking this long.  You keep on saying that you are putting your personal stuff aside to focus on office issues.  What do you mean by that?  Do you mean you want to wait till everything is settled before you tell me how you feel?  Were you asking me to wait for you until and just be there until everything is fine so we can be together?  But why not just tell me now so we can work on this together?  Why not tell me now so I can hold your hand and give you a hug until everything is fine?

Or are you telling me this coz you want me to give up?  That you are just not that into me to find time for me?  But why not tell me now so it won’t hurt that much?  It feels like a slow torture then when the time comes  when you are ready to tell me NO, it feels like you dropping a bomb.  Please tell me now when I can still turn around and forget about everything, pretend that all these never happened and still be your friend.  Please tell me now when I can still bear the pain.  I don’t want to assume anything, even if my heart is telling me something.  I am not sure if I can trust my heart on this.  I had been fooled before, I don’t want to be fooled again.

Categories : My Thoughts, My Journey