I never thought it’s this hard to recover from the breakup.  Getting over the guy is easy but healing all the wounds that goes with it is hard.  Now, I’m over my ex but there are things I still have to fix within myself. 

I have lost my confidence, I have my fears to deal with.  The fear of losing is there.  Now, I fear that all those I love, all those who are close to me will just leave me after a while.

I have lost my sense of self.  I do not know who I am now.  I feel like I am in a limbo, waiting for someone to pull me and tell me who I am and what I want.  I became dependent on other people emotionally.  My happiness is dependent on  one person.

I doubted my worth.  I feel that something is wrong with me that is why they left.  I begin to question myself if I am worthy of anyone’s love.

I hated uncertainty.  I begin to rush on things, trying to find out the end before I can even begin.  I feared failure.  I don’t want to commit any mistakes again.

Slowly, I am healing.  My confidence is now on the thought that God loves me and will never leave me no matter what I do.  I am picking up the pieces, one at a time, on my own, by myself.  This is my pain and only God and myself can heal me.  This time, I will do this without my angel, hoping that one day when our paths crossed I no longer am the crazy girl who’s going through a rather confusing stage of her life.  Then, he won’t have to say goodbye anymore and we can be friends forever.

Categories : My Journey