I just heard the TV mass today under Fr. Mario Sobrejuanite.  He has become one of my favorite priests since the first time  I heard him do the homily.  The Gospel of today talks about faith and the power of prayer.  He said that faith does not mean walking in the light.  Faith means, walking in darkness knowing and believing that God walks with you and in the end, you will find the light.  This may not be his exact words but this is how I understood it.

Many times in our lives, we reach the edge of the cliff and many times we want to jump in there.  For some, like Judas Iscariote, they jump and end their lives.  They have lost their hope.  Judas, after meeting Jesus and being taught how God loves us all, lost his faith in God’s love.  He did not believe that God can forgive him in spite of what he has done.  Just like what Brother Bo Sanchez said, he failed to recognize God’s love.  Perhaps, Judas is like many of us.  We may not have killed ourselves but we killed our faith only because of one dark moment in our lives.

One of my officemates admitted that he is an atheist and that  he lost his faith when he saw a woman died of hunger.  See how the enemy works?  He has been deceived.  God did not want this to happen and the reason why he saw the woman is because God wants to make him an instrument of His love.  God wanted him to extend his hand to help the woman which he never did.  Instead, he listened to the enemy and turned his back on God whom he blamed for what happened… yet, he is the one to blame.  He did not listen to God.

In my life, in this journey that I am sharing with you, I have also lost faith along the way.  In the darkness, I failed to see God’s love…or rather, I refuse to recognize God’s love.  When I was in the dark, I struggled against God.  Trying to insist my own will.  Trying to fight against what God wanted for me.  Perhaps, because I have too much faith in myself… that I know better.  That I  know what is good for me.  I struggled and fought and I was miserable.  Why miserable? Because I refuse to let God love me.  Because I refuse to believe in God’s promises.  Yet, God loves me so much that He embraced me when I was fighting and struggling against His will.  He held on to me until I have decided to surrender to Him.

Now, I cannot really say that I have reached the light after the darkness.  I am still in the darkness.  Yet, in this darkness, I have faith that God is there, walking with me towards the light.

Categories : My Journey