I always ask myself, what is the meaning of this life. I ask myself, is this what God really want me to be? Is this the part that I have to play? I search for meaning. I long for meaning.

It is easy to say that we do not need anyone to be happy. That your happiness should not come from other people but from within yourself. It is easy to say you should not rely on someone else but yourself, your own strength. But is the meaning of life when you are just living for yourself? What happiness will you attain by just pleasing yourself? Fleeting pleasures…that is all there is.

I need to be important to someone before I find my meaning. I need to be loved by someone for me to say my life is worthwhile. I need to make someone happy so I can find a lasting happiness.

Isn’t it that we find joy when we give something to someone who is in need? It makes us significant. It gives value to our being.

As an employee, won’t your boss value you more if you do your job well? Thus, you need his approval to say you are worth every penny that the company pays you.

Your life will only have meaning if you share it with others. It does not necessarily be your boyfriend or your husband. It can be the streetkids you adopted. It can be your aging parents whom you take care of. It can be your grandmother who depends on you. It can be that kid you see on the street who look up to you. It can be the people in the shelter where you voluntered.

Before, I was afraid to live my life alone. I even said that if given a choice, I will only choose two among the three vocations: either the consecrated life or married life. I was afraid that no one will take care of me when I become an oldmaid. Then, I realize, there is more to life than that. I can be a spinster but it doesn’t mean my life has to be meaningless. There are a lot of institutions where I can offer my help and in return, I know they will take care of me in my old age. Now, I am not afraid to lose my meaning. Now, I am not afraid to be alone. I have something to share, I have my life to share and it doesn’t matter whom I share it with. As long as I share in good faith, with love, I will be fine.

Categories : My Thoughts, My Journey