For the past weeks, since he left, I focused on having him back.  Now, I have decided to let go.  I don’t know if kaya ko tong panindigan and for how long.  I am setting him free and at the same time, I am setting myself free.  It doesn’t mean that I will not love him anymore.  It doesn’t mean that I will forget about him.  It just means that I have to live my life away from him.  To live my life for myself, for my family and for the other people who are still with me.  It means that I am letting him live with his choices.  I am letting him go so he can find himself and perhaps, someday, find his way back to me.  Yes, the hope is still there but I am not going to live with that hope alone. 

My hope is in the fact that God has a plan for me.  I know my faith will sometimes fail and sometimes fall into despair or sadness.  Yet, this hope will still live within me and in those times when I am feeling low, all I have to do is look inside my heart and see God there.  I will live in the hope that God will never want me to be hurt nor sad, He only wants me to seek Him and let Him do his will in my life.

Who knows, someday he might just come to me again and at that time, he has been renewed by God.  Perhaps, God just wants us to fix our flaws and make us whole again.  Like what they said, they have to put gold on fire in order to be able to mold it into something good.  Even if he doesn’t return, I know God will have something for me.  In my case, it is kinda hard to think that God has come a long way down history in order to bring us together and now we are apart - what could be His purpose.  I don’t know.  I will never know unless I let God do His thing and become an obedient child to her Father.

Categories : My Journey