It was September 12, 2007 when he left. My whole world crashed on that day that if death comes to those who wish for it, I would have died a thousand times that day. All my dreams turned to dust. I felt that life is not worth living anymore and tomorrow is just another day of torment. I was lost.

It was November 19, 2007 when we first met. It was December 11, 2007 when our friendship started. I was in the process of healing a broken heart. Trying to live my life again. Starting my life over. I was too scared at that time…. Too scared to get hurt again. Yet, you eased my mind. You told me not to economize on love, that I should not be afraid to take risks for who knows if the other person is also willing to take those risks with me. Slowly, my defenses went down. There are no walls between us now. You already have my heart. But until now, I still don’t know if I even matter to you.

When he left, I asked God to protect my heart. I asked Him that if I will ever fall in love again, let it be with the man who will really love me, the man He reserved for me. When I met you, I felt that God answered my prayer. Yet now, I am in love with you and I am hurting. My faith tells me to believe that if I asked God to protect my heart, He will and He did. Yet, a part of me is asking if I let God guide me or did I stir away from His direction. Yet, why did He put us in the position where it will be hard for me to avoid you? Why did He let you work in the same company when He could have just led you somewhere else?

I pray for God’s will to unfold. If you’re not meant for me, then help me get over this feeling that I feel for you. If we are meant for each other, I pray for patience and hope. That if you are meant for me, help me be patient until it’s time for His will to unfold. It is easy to believe, but it’s the waiting that’s hard to endure. If I believe the wrong thing, then I pray for God to tell me what to believe.

Categories : Faith, My Journey