Being a control freak, it is hard for me to just let things flow.  I keep on trying to understand and know what will happen next.  I keep on analyzing things and try to see them not just as they are but what they should be and what they will become.  In my work, this is important.  To have a prognosis and plan ahead.  To predict all the possibilities and try to prepare for all of it.  At work, it is easy to predict all the possibilities, although you cannot predict all.  Everything in business is measured and somehow controllable.  Yet, this is, in some cases, not applicable in life.

After the breakup I had been analyzing what God’s plan is for me.  I had even been foolish enough to ask God for a sign if something is meant to be.  I asked God if the man I have met is the one I am destined to be with.  It is only later that I realized that this is sheer foolishness.  It was like going to a fortune teller and asking her about your future.  God does not give us signs in this way.  He does, sometimes but He also wants us to think.  He will, of course, not tell us what will happen in the future.  He gives us directions but does not tell us what is at the end of the road. He gave us choices and helps us make the right decisions but He does not decide for us.

By analyzing too much and by asking for a sign, somehow I felt like I have sabotaged my future and my present.  Yet, I pray that it is not too late for me.  I hope to just let things be and be guided by the Hands that created me.  I will no longer rely on signs that I ask from Him, instead, I will rely on signs that He sends my way.  I will no longer tell God things like, “Lord, if we get to see each other on November 4, it means that we are meant for each other.  If not, it means that I have to leave him.”  Instead, I will ask Him to just help me live each day according to His will and I know, things will turn out just perfect.

Categories : My Journey