How do you close a book when you don’t know it’s ending?  How do you say goodbye to someone whom you haven’t met?  How do you say you’re lost when you haven’t even started your journey?  How do you say it’s over when it hasn’t even began?  I don’t know but all I know is that I miss you.  I miss having you around.  I miss the rantings you often made me hear.  I miss hearing you complain about a lot of things.  I miss all the talks we had, no matter how trivial or short it may be.  I miss hearing you laugh or just seeing you smile.  I miss everything about you.  But I know, you don’t miss me.  So let me just try to slowly let go of this feelings that I have for you.  Just don’t let me see you ever again, hoping that your absence will make my heart forget.  I know, I have to do this for myself.  It won’t matter to you, I know though I am hoping that it does.  I know it won’t matter to you even if you don’t see me and even if I am gone.  It hurts… I will not lie about it.  It really does.  But what can I do?  I can live my life without you, I was actually living my life for over 28 years now and your presence nor your absence doesn’t really make me dead.  Yet, it was so much nicer when you were here.  It was so much lovelier when we were together.  I smile more when you and I are still close.  Life seems to be more worthwhile then.  Now, I am living, I am alive.  Yes, I am happy but somehow a part of me seems empty.  But I know, I have to learn to smile more even when you are not around because to you I am just someone and not really the one.  I know you don’t belong to anyone but I am not sure if you will ever be mine… Perhaps, never but still, I am hoping for forever.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring?  I just hope this pain that I am feeling will pass soon.  I hope to end this chapter but I don’t know how it should end and that makes it hard for me.  I want to know how this story should end before I put the book down.  Perhaps, in the end it will just be goodbye.  Whatever it is, I know it is for the best.

Categories : My Thoughts, My Journey