Now you’re gone, I am all alone again.  Before, though you’re not there, it’s easy for me to dream that someday you will be by my side.  That someday, you will love me.  Someday, you will hold me in your arms.  But now, that dream must be forgotten.  I must learn to forget you but I know, just a smile from you will completely take me back again.  Just one smile, just one look will make my heart beat faster again.  That is the power you have over me.  You already have my heart and now it seams that no one else can take it from you.  I am no longer in my youth, next month, I will be 29.  Just one year more and I will be 30.  It scares me.  It scares me that I have nothing more to give you.  It scares me that you can be my last love and that I will end up alone all my life.  It scares me that I might have passed on a lot of opportunities coz I was so busy waiting for you and when I decided that I want to stop, it is already too late.  It scares me but I still cannot let go.  It scares me that my time is almost over and still, you have not given me that opportunity to love you the way I should.  It scares me, but I still cannot make myself turn away completely.  I may be walking away but I am looking back.  I walk slowly so that when you decide to pull me back, you will not have a hard time catching up with me.  If you do, I will come running back to you.  When he left, I prayed that the next one would be the last one.  You are that one, and my heart is telling me you are the last.  I pray that you also feel the same.

I know I may be a bit of a burden sometimes.  At times, I am so emotional that it’s hard to be with me.  I can also have my tantrums.  As you already know, I am also quite jealous.  But I assure you, I am trying to make myself better for you.  I am a work in progress but I love you, and for me that’s enough motivation to become better.

Categories : My Thoughts, My Journey