After 3 months, when I am finally convinced that you and I are not meant for each other. When I thought I’m finally over you. Here you are telling me that you have made a mistake when you left me and that you still love me. Since you left, a lot of things happened. My life had been so different for the past 3 months. My life had been so much better. It felt that I am catching up for the years that I have lost when I was with you. Now, here you are trying to come back into my life.  Yet, I must admit, I cried when I read your email.

I cried for a lot of reasons. I cried because I still love you and somehow, there is a part of me that still wants to be with you. I cried because after all the pain I had been through, you are telling me that you realized that you are wrong. I cried because I know, no matter how much I still love you, I will not want to be with you again. I cried because I wanted to run to you and to run away from you. I cried for the stupid lie you said that you love me and that I was never out of your mind. I cried when you said that you only did a noble thing when you left me because I am better off without you. And no matter how much I want to believe you, I cannot because how can you say all these now when you have already hurt me so much. And eventhough I want to tell you how I really feel, I will not because if I do, I will only give you the power to hurt me again.

You are right about one thing though….I am really better off without you and having you back could be the biggest mistake I will ever commit. I have forgiven you and wish you well but it does not mean I will be your friend…not yet, not now. You say, God seem to punish you for what you did to me, please don’t see it that way. God just wants you to realize your mistakes, so next time, you already know what to do.

I don’t know what God plans for us. It could be that someday, we will be back together. It could also be that what happened between us is just a phase where we learn a lot of things the hard way. Whatever it is, only God knows and only time will tell. 3 months is already a long time, enough to forget and heal, enough to realize a lot of things, and enough to catch up on the things that we missed. The past 3 months of my life has taught me a lot of things. I hope, it also did it’s part in your life.

Categories : My Thoughts, My Journey