Why do I go to church?  I must admit, there was a time when I think it was absolutely a waste of time to go to church and hear mass.  It is not in the Bible, I said.  People only go to church to flaunt their new clothes, to show other people that they are good, and for some, to meet with friends and talk about other people.  It was sheer hypocrisy.  Why should I go when I will only see those people?  Until I have come to realize why I should go hear mass.  There are a lot of stories behind it.  Believe me, I was as skeptic as you are.

In college, my professor in religion told us, we go to church to replenish our love supply.  That by hearing the mass, we experience God’s love for us.  We remember how He love us and thus, our love for Him is also recharged.  When we go out of the church after mass, we have love in our hearts that we can share to other people.   This is one of the steps I took that led me to go to church on Sundays.

Then, after college, I had a boyfriend who was a Seventh Day Adventist.  Influenced by his beliefs, I stopped going to church.  When we broke up, I felt so empty.  On the way to my previous office, I always pass by the EDSA Shrine and Megamall chapel.  During those days of brokenness, I go there and I feel whole again.  I don’t know why but I feel at peace whenever I go there.  I feel like all my worries are gone whenever I will sit or kneel at the corner and talk to God.  There, I find healing to my brokenness.

Eventually, I got healed and got busy that I did not have the time to go to church anymore.  In 2005, my brother entered the seminary.  He knew how my faith is - that my religion is a combination of various religion.  Then, he talked to me and asked me to hear mass every Sunday for him.  I love my brother so I did as he requested.  This is then, another step.

As I do it, I realize a lot of things.  I knew that my college professor is right.  Whenever I hear the mass, I receive God’s love.  The love that I should share to other people.  It is true that there is a lot of hypocrisy there, just like in any religious institutions.  I have seen it all.  I have seen people who just go to church to find business partners.   Some go to church or join organizations so people think they are holy and be regarded highly.  I have seen people gossiping about other people.  That, and a lot of other negative things.  Then again, what do I care?  I go there to meet with God and not to see them.  I go to church to be with God.  It is like our weekly date.  The day when we renew our vows.  He is with me everyday.  He come to me whenever I need Him.  He is always there for me, answering my prayers.  He is only asking for an hour.  He is only asking us to spend an hour with Him and what reason do I have not to give it to Him who gave me everything?  I go to church to meet with God and show Him my love.  I know, in return, God also fill my heart with blessings that will last until our next meeting and beyond.

Now, going to church has become very addictive.  I want to be with Him all the time.  His presence overwhelms me.  His presence makes me excited for the life after this one.  If I could just stay in His presence longer, I will.  There is the only place where I am at peace and where I feel the love that goes beyond the superficial.

I go to church to pray for guidance and strength for I know that I cannot make it alone.  I go to church to ask for forgiveness, for I know how weak I can become.  I go to church to pray that if this love is not meant to be, that God will give me the strength to get over you.  That if this love is not meant to be, guide me and lead me to the place where I should be. But if this love is meant to be, give me strength as I wait for His will to unfold for it is the waiting that’s hard to endure.

Categories : My Thoughts, Faith